5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Randomize
