Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
