The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
