new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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