recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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