well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
