Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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