Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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