Cold hands, warm shart.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
