does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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