Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
