Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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