in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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