It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Drake has all the answers
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
