I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
