I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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