is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
