I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
