1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so let's talk penis.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
