Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
