Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
