i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
