im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
