I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
