I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
