I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
