Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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