Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize