Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
