his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
