If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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