I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
