Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
