Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
