My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
