Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
