I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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