just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
