OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
