Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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