I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
