Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
