too bad you live with your parents still
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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