conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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