I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
