good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
