It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
