I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
