Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
