I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
