hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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