Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
