dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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