That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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