Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
