did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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