I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
