do herpes really smell.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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