Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
