if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
