So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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