he was CRYING into my vagina
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
