I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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