# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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