It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
