I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
