i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
