He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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