I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
