Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
