Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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