I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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