I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
