Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
