I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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