so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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