I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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