ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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