Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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