Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
