I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
