I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There r osticjed everywhere
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize