quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
