so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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