she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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